- basic social unit consisting of parents and their children.
Last week, my junior high school best friend posted on Facebook ‘Just keeping FB real…it’s not always sunshine and smiles. Step kids and hubs just got back from step-daughter’s winter concert…I was not told, invited or otherwise asked to come. Trying to be the bigger person here…’
As a friend I was so angry. As a mother, I was heart broken and as a wife, I felt betrayed…either way for the past week I have had such a heavy heart about this.
Let me back up a bit. I was raised in what society calls a blended family (a family consisting of a couple and their children from the current and previous relationships.). We have birth parents, half siblings and step siblings. It actually feels really weird even writing that (half/step), you see in our household we have never and don’t ever use those words ( (half/step) to define our family. That is actually worse that dropping a F-bomb!
Yes my birth father had a relationship before my mother and yes he had a child from that relationship and so yes that means I have a brother that came from another mother. Yes my parents got divorced and yes my mom remarried and yes that means I have a sister that is not my blood sister and a dad who is not my birth father but that doesn’t matter because we are family!
I remember in the beginning of the families coming together, as a child I was surely like ‘she is my step-sister or that is my step-dad’ and I remember quickly getting reprimanded for that and remember being told, ‘we are a family and this is your sister and your father!’. As I child I am sure I was confused and held some resentment about this but what was I to do…nothing but obey and respect my parents. They set the tone and the example of the definition and makeup of our family. So for as long as I can remember my family has consisted of 2 dads, my mom, my brother and my sister.
My mom, birth father and dad did an AMAZING job of raising me! I feel so blessed every day to have had 3 adults who came together and worked together to show unconditional respect for each other and love for me and taught me to do the same. Don’t get me wrong as a young child I HATED it…I never got to play the ‘I am going to daddy’s house….your not my father you can’t tell me what to do…..you can’t put your hands on me, your not my father’ cards!! (I had friends who played these cards all the time and I felt so left out-lol!) You see we are family! What happened at my everyday home was carried over at my birth father’s house. The rules were the same, the expectations were the same…everything was the same.
I remember when I got married and the photographer was trying to do ‘family’ pictures and wanted to separate us based on blood relationships and I was totally confused by this and he was totally confused that I was confused-lol! What I was not confused about was refusing to let him do that. You see we are family!
At my wedding, both of my dads walked me down the aisle. It NEVER occurred to me that this would not be the way it was suppose to be. You see we are family!
During the father-daughter dance, I danced with by birth father first, then my dad and then both of them together. You see we are family!
If you were to ask my parents how many children they have, they would say 3. If you were to ask my siblings how many siblings they have they would say 2. You see we are family!
No questions today….. just clearing my head.
I’m linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for her:
I would love to stay connected: